I know it's supposed to be about sex but there's nothing I have to post about sex that's about sex.

What?

Anyway I'm back but I don't think it's still gonna be a regular thing.

The game is on! is all I can say...

Again I find myself at the mercy of my hormones.

This is what staying home on a saturday night does.

HAH!

*******

Yes, I'm hot-blooded. And yes, it's just eye candy.

No post for today...

Didn't have the time to think anything sex-related...

Today I had an awakening. And am still having it.

Will post as soon as I get through this.

Yeah, it does have something to do with being male.

And it does have something to do with the opposite sex.

Women.

Music has a big influence on my sex drive.

*******

Control


My libido is larger than me. Why? I honestly don't know... what I do know is it has a larger effect on me than I'd like to admit. My libido is a very strong force that I have lost battles to in the past. It has repeatedly forced me to bow down before it, humbled by it's sheer might. Time and time again it has made me eat my pride by making me realize how weak I am in it's presence. It has let me peek into the dark recesses of my very own humanity. I have seen what I should have not.

My libido is seemingly insatiable. And it has an on button which I have not found out how to turn off. I'd like to classify that button as hair-trigger. So easy to turn on, so hard to turn off. It's like a black hole that sucks in all the reason and logic I could possibly ever have, leaving behind a hard-on that even Osama Bin Laden would have trouble demolishing. And the worst thing about it is that it pops up at the worst times. At the mall, the grocery, even while driving. Thank goodness it doesn't show up at work. At least it doesn't interfere with it.

Is this how a normal libido functions?

If it is then I'm in big trouble.

Love is overrated


...or at least misunderstood. Some people do not get the fact that loving someone doesn't necessarilly mean that you're in love. And love isn't all just happy times like long walks on the beach or dancing on a moonlit balcony while the string orchestra plays below. It isn't all flowers and movies and chocolates and anniversaries. Love is more than that. Love is the unspoken connection that binds the two of you in a dance that can only you understand. Love is waiting for two hours without getting pissed off. Love means you worry about the two hour delay. Love is trying to balance what's right with what you actually want.

I hope you decide what you want soon. And realize that you do not love me. You just miss me and my friends. You have your life to take care of, go, they need you more than you need me. If you read this you'll know who you are, for all the other people, I'm sorry you can't understand this. I'm your friend and I won't let you waste what you've worked so hard for over one unreasonable and irrational fixation or hangup or obsession or whatever it is. I refuse to contribute to your downfall.

*******

you have a problem with intimacy...

I do...? I guess I do...


Do I?

*******

It just seems that these days it just gets harder and harder to decide whom to trust, women included. For a few days now, this girl has been sending off mixed signals... why can't she just come out with it and not play games? It's not like I'm going to pounce on her or douse her with disinfectant.. Attraction is one of the most natural and simple things... but why do we keep choosing to complicate it? To make it more interesting? I can make it more interesting if you tell me you like me... To control the flow of events? There are only two journeys and destinations, to be or not to be. Why control something better left as spontaneous... To keep ones' respect and dignity? I don't think I'd respect someone less if she told me she liked me...

I'd like to trust more and love more but sometimes I feel like there's always an ambush somewhere.

So yeah, I do have a problem with intimacy. Intimacy stemming from distrust.